Mothers of Invention

“When I was born my Mother was disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce. “ Woody Allen

I have written about Fathers Day with a different feeling than I have for Mothers Day. Mothers present so much for us to digest, mostly positive but not only positive. Both sons and daughters spend a considerable time working through some dilemmas that are like luggage hauled around throughout life. The sooner one unpacks the negative part, there is more reward to be had from the positive part.

Every woman knows that men are foolish and men are simple. The simplicity of men makes for a more simple relationship with one’s Father, even if it is with a daughter, if only for the reason that at least one person in the relationship is a male.

I cannot speak about a Mother - Daughter relationship, though I can surmise that it must be endlessly complicated and driven by strong emotions.

Despite the ideological mantra today that men and women, and thus Mothers and Fathers, are the same, anyone who’s brain has survived the present day woke brainwashing knows that is not true. We also cannot deny the important role of our DNA, our inborn personalty, that will set siblings apart, though they share the same parents and household. How is it that some amongst us will spend a life in self - destructive hell over a perceived lack of a parent, yet a Charlie Chaplin can be orphaned a a young boy and still achieve such incredible success?

Fathers can be seen to reflect the relationship with the outside world. We unconsciously look to Fathers like a portal to the outside world. We hope that they are strong and stable to provide the type of role model to assist our own development in dealing with the world around us. With any luck, we have such a Father. In the sad event that our Father is not strong, not confident, and not secure, we must be even more responsible to equip ourselves for our own journey through the world and life. If we do not, we simply pass on that misery to our own children.

Mothers are our first portal, the portal to the inner world, the first heartbeat we feel, the first face we recognize, the first touch and smell that we experience, the first beautiful moment of being nurtured and being loved. How we view ourselves will affect how we view the world, and it is this first few years of interaction with our Mother that sets the stage for so much of how we treat ourselves and other people. The mere fact that women tend to show their emotions more honestly than men is both a boon and a bane in the effect that Mothers have upon their children.

It is extraordinary, the extent to which we owe our Mother in terms of our relationship to intimacy and love….for better and for worse. The transcendent Feminine is something that many men spend their lives trying to recreate in their search for a mate. Though Freud was not 100% right, he was certainly correct in pointing out that most men search for and try to marry their Mother, at least in their first marriage.

This search may be a yearning to recreate the sense of emotional relationship they had with their Mother, or it might even be to try to avoid this dynamic and find the opposite. But the effect of the Mother is like a threesome in a marriage even if she is not living in the same house.

Mothers Day is a time to celebrate what women bring to us as parents. It is also a day to forgive them, for they had no idea what they were getting into after responding to an emotional and atavistic urge to procreate. Most had no idea of the power they held in our initial years. Most didn’t know that we as young children were watching closely, suffering with them and often feeling responsible for their sorrows.

Make every day Mother’s day by cherishing the time you have with her. Like everything else near and dear, she will become a memory sooner than you wish.